Living in the moment:
With having my 15 year old niece staying with us, I have been receiving a large dose of reality in how uncool I am. I used to consider myself to be the type of person who was fairly up on trends, cool verbage etc. but I am quickly learning how much I don't know! Take YOLO for example. YOLO: you only live once. Once learning this I have seen it printed on t-shirts, yelled out by some "brave" soul before doing something stupid, etc. There is a big difference between this statement of YOLO half hazzerdly yelled before doing something very self focused, and my phrase of living in the moment: FOR GOD. Through out my life I have been called to wait. It has never been a strength of mine. I have often prayed please God help me to wait well and wait patiently (only to then wait anxiously for the feeling of patience to overcome me:). During those times of waiting I have tried to gather my "mana" for the next moment, never fully "enjoying" my mana for the current moment. The mana is in reference to the Israelites being instructed to only gather food for that day. They were told that if they gathered for the next day the mana would spoil. God was wanting them to be in willing reliance on Him to provide. Often I, like the Israelites, can be in complete gratitude for God's provision. "oh thank you God, You are such an amazing, Awesome God." Then it's like I walk away thinking God is sooo great, and just incase he forgets tomorrow I am going to store a little away for then...You know just incase the God of the universe loses track of the time he created...and I wouldn't want to be foolish....you know, for only doing what God asked. So in symbolism the Mana represents the "burdens, troubles, 'to do's' " of the day. So if I focus on today's 'mana', or troubles it is much more manageable then if I think about the troubles of tomorrow. So the analogy I have embraced is only gathering my Mana for the day. Well of course like everything else it is an analogy that is a work in progress. I continually have to remind myself.
So how does this apply to living in the moment? Well I realized something the other day when I was getting super stressed about flyboys ever changing flight plan. One moment he is flying, the next he is not, then just when I have relaxed it's back on. I wish I could say I am stressed over thinking of him flying, you know his safety and such...but instead it is selfishly based in managing the kids by myself or having help. So it dawned on me, I need to stop trying to compensate for future moments, moments that I know nothing about and have NO control over, and just focus on the moment God has entrusted me to manage. When I do this things seem so much more manageable.
I am reminded of how ridiculous I must seem to God at times, when my kids do the very thing I do. For example:
In order to get out of our house to do ANYTHING, it takes so much effort and planning on my part. I must calculate about how long I think we will be out in order to prepare bottles, drinks, snacks, diapers, etc. I also must then pack this stuff while, letting the dog out, putting the dog in her gated area, get the kids dressed, shoes on, teeth brushed, baby dressed, diapered, fed, Oh ya and I must do this all for myself. So by the time I have corralled everyone into the car, buckled them in and am pulling out of the driveway, I am totally exhausted, ready to pull back into the garage and go take a nap. So you can imagine when I have done all of the above in order to do something fun for the kids and not myself (actually it seems if it is fun for the kids it can end up being the opposite for the mom:) how I am not in the mood for ingratitude of any kind. This includes obnoxious questions that allude to the fact that the child feels put out. We had this big production the other day when heading to an amusement park. Upon arriving and merely WALKING TO THE TICKET OFFICE: I had one child who needed to go to the bathroom and another one who was thirsty. Upon being told they needed to wait, Flyboy and I were immediately met with, "how long are we going to be here?" Which translated in my mind to: "I have something way more important to do and this day of fun you have scheduled for me is becoming quite an inconvenience." I know this is how I must appear to God. Hey God thanks for providing and giving my husband this amazing job, giving us healthy, active and awesome kids, the ability to have a vehicle to drive them to school with, etc. But all of these blessings seem to have become quite a bother to me and I was wondering when I can stop having to enjoy them?" Sounds ridiculous and well I guess it is.